Hello baby bug =)
This past week was our start of collecting "things" that you're gonna need. Coco and Granddad have been working for years with an organization called Born Again Blessings, so I volunteered to help a bit and got to shop for a few things for you. I say a few things because your Daddy and I were very blessed this week also to only need to procure a small list. You see, Miss Teda and her husband Nathan offered to give us all of their baby things since they are done having sweet little kiddos!!!! Your Mommy was very overwhelmed sweetheart. Since Daddy hasn't been working for a few months (rather he is seeking the Lord diligently to follow His plan- what a good daddy!), we have been making sure to be nice and frugal. Your Mommy has felt it part of her duty to pray for your needs to be answered through the Lord. I have been overwhelmed at His love to provide for us this way. It humbles your Daddy and I, and we just keep asking the Lord to mold us and make us more like Him- to give us discernment on what He has for us.
We picked up some sweet little onesies for you this week. Okay, we? Not we. More like me ;) I picked out some sweet little neutral outfits while we're still waiting to find out what you'll be =) I'm getting very excited to meet you baby bug...I pray for you every day...every little twitch I feel and every time I look in a mirror (at my steadily growing belly!) I always think to pray for you. Tonight I watched an indie film with a particular message about a mother who had told her son to get out of her house (he was only 16) because she didn't agree with his lifestyle choices: particularly that he was saying he had no concern for living like the Lord, etc. And he overdosed within 5 months and died. I was in conflict. I tried to imagine how I would feel, 16 years from now, if you told me that you hated God and wanted to deny who Jesus was- that you didn't care to change, etc. I thought about my own rebellion as a teen(ish) and what I know the Lord did in me and has done in me since. The message of the film was sad. The makers condemned the mom and the prevalent message was that "Love always wins"...
This is a hard one baby bug. This past week Mommy and Daddy had dinner with friends, the Chautas, and we talked about a similar subject: how to be honest with your children and teach them, raise them, in the fear of the Lord. Your Daddy and I talk a lot these days about what sort of things we would want to share with our kids some day. What sort of lessons we could teach through our own stories, etc.
I'm aware that our society has gotten irreverent in their fear of the Lord. "Love always wins" is this universalistic theme being spread in the Christian church like a sickness. It's one that seems nice and Christ-like, but lacks the adherence to Scripture- God's Holy Word. People like to make God be whomever they want Him to be. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, all who follow His precepts have good understanding. To Him belongs eternal praise!" Psalm 111:10
We don't need to make God who we think He is, some wise old man with clever ideas about life. No, Jesus's death was hard and working out your salvation is hard. And it's also easy. When you love Jesus, and seek to be more like Him, the Holy Spirit will always be there to guide and teach you, giving you peace for the next step. I guess I say all that to say that I realize, even as you are not yet born, that this problem here on earth is getting and will only get worse. Old people ALWAYS say "In my day, it didn't USED to be this way" etc etc (you'll see!), but in this case, it's totally true...I fully anticipate that for you, baby bug, you will be living in a society that completely and absolutely mocks God. In every way. It makes me sad.
God gave me life baby bug. He relentlessly pursued me in my darkest hour and showed Himself strong on my behalf. He carried me through some of the darkest hours in my life and has been with me always. I just didn't always realize it. I am married to the most amazing man, the man God had for me all along- your awesome Dad. Trust me, he is the BEST. And now I have you growing in me (yeah yeah, i bet you're thinking "ew! mom!" ; p) I just cry out to the Lord for you, that you won't have to have deep pain to know Jesus radically, like I do now...
And then just when I've tried to reason with God on this matter of your life, I realize I surely must remember myself and what the Lord says about you. He knows you now. Knows all the days in your sweet life, all the plans He has for you, all the bad and dirty and ugly that is your sin and all the things He made you to be. And I just let go again. I can't be in control of your little life. So I will just keep in prayer always, and trust the Lord with what you need.
Okay, I think I caught myself writing at a vulnerable moment. ;)
I guess I could lighten the mood by telling you that I have a disease called "baby brains" as a friend told me today---- affectionately, of course! I can't seem to get information to go through my brain into my mouth these days--- I frequently find myself calling things the wrong name or not being able to look at something and call it what it is...SUPER WEIRD! I've read that it will pass--- which is good!
I've started working on your little room. I've come to the conclusion that we need to get rid of things, hahahaha! We need more space! Baby stuff is big!
Your daddy isn't home yet, actually, neither is Aunt Sal or Uncle Steve, so I'm going to relish the quietness just a bit longer and spend it with the Lord...
I love you honey,