It's getting really close to the day when we'll meet you and I wanted to make sure and catch up your blog with what's been going on lately AS WELL AS tell you how much I love you and have enjoyed being pregnant with you.
Recently Daddy and I ordered our wedding pictures and went through them again--- we were marveling at how much our lives have changed since then and how different we (me in particular!) have changed, even physically, this past year. When we got married we just knew that the Lord had made us for each other...and we really thought we loved each other. We loved each other as much as we could at the time, but this last year has had us falling in love over and over. We love each other so much more deeply.
I'm so thankful for your Daddy. He loves you so much...He loves ME so much. I frequently am amazed that we found each other. We're so excited to have you join our family, our love for you is so big...and this past week we were really tested in this journey of having you. It's still not totally over, but I'll fill you in for now =)
It started Wednesday (almost one week ago)...I went in for my normal weekly check-up and the nurse read my blood pressure slightly higher than it is normally. So the doctor came in and told me that I was going to need to come back on Friday and threw around some phrases like "If there's protein in your urine," "Organs shutting down", and "Preeclampsia" and I was sitting there trying not to cry. This entire pregnancy has been so very easy sweetheart...this was hard news for us! Your Daddy had some great insight to counteract my heightened hormones...Daddy was sure that our doctor went into so much detail for the benefit of a shadow student he had interning with him from Emory.
So I relaxed and decided to just wait for Friday, sweetheart. Although, it took some good prayer and some sweet encouragement from your Daddy not to worry.
Well, on Friday, my BP wasn't any lower. I had been on almost complete rest for two days. ugh!
So THIS doctor (I have 5 at the practice we go to Viv), sent me next door to the hospital to be monitored and have blood tests run, etc. Man, that was a rough afternoon into evening. Your Daddy and I hadn't had anything to eat in HOURS and we were miserable. Daddy ran and got something for us though, once we had been waiting for TWO HOURS in the waiting room. Hospitals, I am learning (since before you, I had never been in one!), run somewhat slow--- haha--- so we finally got a room. After I was all hooked up and we had talked to our nurse a few times, she left us and I convinced your Daddy to lay in the hospital bed with me and we just talked and hugged while the BP cuff went off every ten minutes to the soundtrack of YOUR heartbeat. What seemed like such a dumb situation ended up being sort of sweet for us.
One of the things that I didn't mention was that if my tests weren't to their liking, we could be expecting to hear the "I" word: INDUCTION. I was fighting back tears Thursday and in the waiting room Friday thinking about making you come out before God intended you to come, but I was also willing to listen to the doctors if you or I were in danger and it needed to happen...We have doctors for a reason after all =) So, your Dad and I had almost made our peace with that fact (and it helped thinking we may be able to see you Friday!), when it was finally over. We had texted our friends and family to let them know what was going on and how to pray and my BP had gone from 140/92 (the first reading) to 117/70 in 10 MINUTES AND STAYED THERE FOR TWO HOURS!!! Praise the Lord!!!!
We were ecstatic that everything had been reading so well...and of course joking that Mama Baer was praying so that's why it must have changed, haha! My mom, your Grandma Baer is going to be one of the most influential people in your life...I can guarantee it (and that's because she's that for me...)
So, back to the story: I was on bed rest all weekend...for the most part. Your Aunt Rachel came home as a surprise and kept us all up late (til crazy hours! 4am! haha!) and since she is living in Greenville, SC right now coaching on the collegiate level, we don't get to see her so often. She is anxious to meet you and talked to you lots so you would recognize her sweet voice when you finally make your debut ;)
It was hard for me to rest this weekend...I am such a "get 'er done" type of person...uuuuugh! And I love it when the whole family is together and I want to be a help, not a weight! We all spent a nice evening in prayer for you on Saturday night. That was my favorite part. I just cried on your Daddy's shoulder as our family offered up prayers for you and for us. I know the Lord is going to take care of you and I (And your Daddy too, he's doesn't know what to do with himself when I start having little contractions here or there--- he wants to help so badly!)
Sooooo, I was supposed to go back to the doctor yesterday, but couldn't get an appointment and after having false labor almost all night, I just decided to rest at home. I had a few contractions throughout the day and Daddy stayed home a big part of Monday to be with me and have a little time together and by last night they were coming again! Daddy and I prayed that the Lord would allow them to relent or that we would see you soon, and sure enough, I drifted off to sleep and only had a few noticeable contractions all night!
So that brings us to today...your Dad had to be at work all day (And was there 2.5 hours early too!) so I have had a lot of time to myself today. Last night I was "nesting" again...cleaning and organizing and getting ready for you, but today, I've been relaxing reading the Word and meditating on some things with the Lord. You've been very quiet and you are also laying in my belly wrong. Somehow in the last handful of days you went from the birth ready position to a posterior position (maybe even on your side...), so I don't feel your little botsi rolling around on the front of my belly anymore.
I have spent a lot of time today asking the Lord to fix that and doing some exercises that are supposed to help move you back...I'm sure you'll get there--- I have total faith!
There are so many fears that can come into your thoughts when you're in a new "place" in life. I would say I don't have a lot of trouble trusting the Lord in areas that He has proved Himself faithful to me...things like finances, or jobs, or answering needs and wants...BUT this is a new place for me. You see, mommy has two very good friends that recently had super complicated birth issues that led to interventions, etc and they both love the Lord and wanted great experiences like I want for our family...so it's been a very real and emotional process for me to take things to the Lord--- to say things like "I don't deserve any different, but I'm praying that you might" or even, GASP!, praying for something and not getting it...like having to have a C-section instead of a natural birth. Perhaps that is what the Lord has for me, for us...I don't know. This place of not knowing and feeling that weight of acceptance no matter what happens, is something I know I can do in the moment--- when everything is "going down"...but I'm not sure what it will mean for me and the Lord. He didn't promise me anything and certainly doesn't owe it to me...should I be disappointed if it doesn't happen this way? My word the Lord has been good to me since I came to know Him...I certainly would humbly accept anything He thought I needed and decided to send our way. It's just that those facts end up including a lot of emotion that can't be avoided. I guess I'm admitting to you that it is maturing me in a new way. It's so satisfying to know Jesus. What a beautiful journey life is when it is with Him.
Your life will no doubt be filled with new ways that you will learn the trust the Lord. He is a solid rock in which you can place your hope, your trust, your absolute faith, everything. He is FAITHFUL...and I am excited to watch you learn and grow and get to know Jesus the way your Daddy and I did (before we got married, and the new ways we learn as we are married!)...
I love you so much Viven.
P.S. This is actually a picture of me and your Daddy on your due date--- September 6, 2011